Willpower Fizzles—Feed the Flame Instead
“How do discipline and willpower fit into a life guided by intuition?” That question came up in a conversation with Alan, a client and a colleague—and it led us somewhere unexpected.
The simple answer: All we need is a commitment to feed our flame.
Wait. What?
Yeah, I could be a bit more descriptive 🙂 I’ll share how we came to this.
First off, let’s clarify two things:
Intuition is the quiet voice beneath the noise. It’s the inner sense of something that arises without thinking or analysis. You just know—even if you can’t explain why.
Passion is what lights you up. It’s what you naturally gravitate toward—the work, ideas, or activities where time disappears and you feel more you.
So, here it goes:
Imagine your passion as a tiny flame inside a big campfire ring.
Here’s what I do when I want to turn a little flame into a roaring fire: I get down on my hands and knees, feed it kindling and pine needles, and gently blow until it catches. Someone watching me scramble around on all fours, tending to it, might say: “She’s committed to that fire!”
I am! As the fire grows, I toss in sticks and logs. Once it’s roaring, I can enjoy the warmth and dancing flames while occasionally throwing in a log to keep it going, I can add logs until it becomes a massive bonfire, or I can let it burn out. That’s fine too.
When I’m passionate about something, I’m naturally committed. If I tend to my passions regularly, and keep feeding their flames, they grow. Or I can let a passion burn out (or burn me out). Deep down, I know what my flame needs to grow, and when it’s time to let it fizzle.
And yeah, there are times when I’m not sure if the flame is a passion. In that case, I’ll tend to the flame and see what happens. Other times I know the tiny little flame is a passion, but sometimes it’s hard to get a fire going from an itty-bitty flame, though with enough practice, patience and love, fires (and passions) tend to grow.
If I try to force myself to do something out of obligation—because I think I “should”—I feel like I’m trying to build a fire without a spark. Sure, I might eventually get it going, but feeding a dead fire feels frustrating, exhausting, and not much fun. It’s way more sustainable (and enjoyable) to feed a flame that has some desire in it.
My biggest passion at this moment is seeing my book out in the world. I needed quiet time to edit, so I asked my family and friends to help. I’ve been alone with my fire, and boy, has it roared. If you were a fly on the wall for the last four weeks, you’d likely have said: “Kristy is disciplined!” I’ve realized that discipline doesn’t come from willpower.
The “discipline” people see is simply my dedication to stoking the flame of my passion—to share what I’ve realized about living freely and fully. I am committed because I love to get curious about what fuels a desire for living fully alive, and pointing others toward living in that freedom.
It’s important to note here that I have ornery days. I know my cranky mood is a nudge to take a break, and rest in stillness. Each time I’ve done that, I’ve been raring to go the next morning.
I’m up well before dawn, pulled by the quiet urge to feed my fire. For three weeks, I edited my book at this beachside picnic table as the sun rose over the Atlantic. Ideas bloomed. I chatted with people walking by and that led to two pre-release book events at retailers across the street from the picnic table. This is passion in action!
Kristy’s Pre-Dawn Editing Spot
Curious how the same conversation landed for Alan? Check out his inspiring share about feeding the fire inside, and why sharing his journey has become the most important principle of his mission.
During our conversation, it dawned on us that sharing our passions aloud is a big part of feeding our fire. I’m excited to speak this into the world:
My book hits stores on September 27th.
There will be a launch party that day as well. Mark your calendars! (more details to come)
This book—Perfect Unfolding— is a raw, soul-filled story of life on the road as a single female nomad, and a journey into the question: “Where do you most want and need to be free?”
Want to have fun with me, and help get this book out in the world?
If you are curious about the book and/or joining the launch team, here’s a description of what we’ll be doing together, how you can benefit, and a short questionnaire. This is a world-wide launch, so no matter where you are, you can join in the fun.
Sharing my fire with you is already feeling special.
Stay tuned—more soon!
PS- Did this light something in you? Share with your community or send this to someone that might enjoy feeding their flame.
Header Photo: Sunset Campfire at Hamilton Branch State Park, South Carolina – December 2024
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